simply liv

Walking moving aching smiling whistling day in, day out walking talking choking breathing beating stopping breath sigh why? thinking thoughts and talking thoughts aren't thoughts at all. They're the mind trying to escape. Pull me out of this rigorous and lonely routine take me to a place with vastness, openness, quiet moving sleeping joking laughing faking where is my relief? sigh

One mind says it's a lesson to be learned. The other says what a waste of time. One mind says it just wasn't right The other says I'M not right. One mind says honesty is better The other says not when it hurts. One mind sees the good in him. The strength and the courage. The other sees he's giving up. One mind is ready for more The other sits trapped in sorrow One mind can't always compete with the other. Let's hope the other backs down.

We want honesty, we want to give it truthfully, and to receive it in return. I'd like to talk to you. We aim to be authentic, and to be true to our word. I've been a coward. Why then is it so hard to hear what we've been looking for all along? There's no feeling here.

What is my life? What is my impact? What am I adding to the world? What….what…who…when..why…all the questions. The Why is why do I care? Why don’t I just LIVE? Why don’t I enjoy? Why don’t I eat, sleep, watch tv, run, laugh, play whenever I want without thinking how it will affect my future? Life is life to LIVE. You’ll never get a second of it back – why let yourself think about seconds that haven’t happened yet?  Sitting in my room, thinking…thinking…listening. My eyes hurt, I need something to clean them, change them, make them see what’s in front of me NOW. Relax….watch...pay attention, live laugh love and BE in the moment. Crazy for you. Stupid glasses. Stupid eyes.

"Why do men stand in awe of the stars, the moon, the immensity of the sea, the beauty of a flower or a sunset, and at the same time downgrade themselves?" - Maxwell Maltz

What am I chasing? What am I running from? Is there anything pulling me? What's the drive inside me that I can't explain but need  to pursue? What is the thing which leads me there? Takes me there? Roars with fierce desire and stops at nothing? What is the push, the pull the twist the pinch the bite the drive? Where are you? I'm looking for you blindly with no eyes for what I desire. A desire to desire. Grasping in the empty space for something to search to grip onto. To hold close to myself and feel with each beating beat that I know this is me. Where are you? Desire to dream, dream to desire, something, anything, what is it? What use are your legs, lungs, heart, chest, mouth, brain, words without a reason? why move, why walk, why talk without knowing why? What is me....? Yes I speak of me and talk as me but am I me? What do I create? What ripples can I create to shake the day that seems so sleepish and usual? Where am I in this world of codes and numbers and ...