simply liv

pg 40 "Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says The tension of opposites? "Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted." "A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle." Sounds like a wrestling match, I say. "A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way." So which side wins, I ask? "Which side wins?" He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth. "Love wins. Love always wins." This is a passage from "tuesdays with Morrie", a novel written by Mitch Albom,. His words find unique ways to touch my heart and get me thinking. They are definitely worth being shared.

Yesterday I was out with my mom for a few celebratory drinks and munchies at a downtown joint I'd never been to before. It was her well-earned final day as a teacher candidate marking the completion of Teachers College (you rock, Mom!) and she wanted (needed?) to let loose and consume beverages of the alcoholic variety. Beer and Nachos seemed like long-lost friends that desperately needed a reunion with us. It's interesting how fun, carefree nights can turn into ones of deep internal philosophical debates and contemplation of myself as a basic being of life. Lessons are everywhere and I chose to take the ones that I recognize. A wise friend of mine once said "Life lessons keep coming at you until you learn something from them". This is a lesson I hope to not see again. Here's the lesson I learned from last night. To keep you interested, the realization I had at the end of this whole ordeal was essentially this..."I am a bad person" and shame was felt. ...

The warm April sun hugs the back of my neck, warming it, cradling my body in a snug, comfortable place. It's easy to lose myself in it's warm hands, giving up my thoughts and releasing my tense body with the closing of my eyes. Laying on this old hand-me-down couch has never been so comfortable. I feel the yawns start in my toes and move its way up my entire body, stretching it along the way, taking me deeper into the cushions of this beige striped two-seater. All of a sudden my book is heavy in my arms. My hand tilts downwards at the wrist and my forearm lowers under the new weight. It feels nice to give in to the weight, holding up a book seems an unnecessary task in the comfort of the sun.

During my fourth year of university, I was mentally and physically crippled by anxiety and panic. Everything was a daunting task, struggling to wake up, eat, sleep, plan, study, exercise or socialize. It felt like I was slowly and inevitably being crushed under a large rock, my breath constricted with every inhale, too weak to push against it's unbearable weight. Being awake was like feeling my way through a dark room, fumbling clutching at air and straining to see. It was time that I looked for a strong arm to clutch to for the strength I was lacking to pull me back to consciousness and light. My iron filled boots tried to keep me rooted at the base of the long stairway the lead to student counselling services, but I persisted to drag heavy heart higher and higher. I felt crushed checking in, surrendering that I wasn't able to fix the pieces of myself. I was broken and exposed for everyone to see. My boots became light as feathers with wings ready to carry me away as fast as I...

" Let's wake up all excited, sand and rocks in our hair from sleeping next to the ocean. Let's swim in our underwear, fall into rushing rivers, and paddle out before we're swept away. Let's eat new foods because the labels are in languages we can't read. Let's cook over a dire with sharp sticks and tin cans. Let's get lost on strange streets and pass the same storefront over and over again because we're walking in circles. Let's find things we never knew existed. Let's feed the ducks. I'm saying hey let's run as fast as we can weaving through people and cars and jumping over stuff climbing hills and fences taking shortcuts hands in the air laughing yelling screaming all the way until we're out of breath sighing laying on the ground looking at the sky feeling out heartbeats in our limbs! " - Anonymous This. is. fantastic. What a powerful set of words. This makes me want to run in the wind and jump in puddles and scream my ...

Sitting at my front window with the April sun on my legs and my coffee on the windowsill. "Coffee" here is a loose term, it's more like 83% almond milk and 17% coffee that I stole from the pot my dad made this morning. Cinnamon doesn't help to make it tasty. Pausing to think about what to write as I cough up a weak immune system that's been collecting in my lungs and not paying rent for a week. I can feel a chair spoke poking me in the soft spot just inside my shoulder blade towards the spine. Doesn't mean I'll change my position though, it will probably be uncomfortable no matter how my anatomy tries to fold itself around this ancient piece of wood work. It's windy out, probably too much so to ride my bike to work later. I'm not interested in arriving sweaty and wind beaten to work with hair that could be confused as a desert tumble weed, that was certainly blowing in the wind. Brother and Father sit behind me consumed by actors faking lawyers put...

I'm at the University of Toronto to volunteer at a blood donor clinic. I can't log on to the wifi, my brothers log in information doesn't seem to be working. I walked around for a bit. I can't really explain the feeling I had walking around this university's campus. I related to my school while walking these hallways. I was thrown violently back to my university experience when looking at the news bulletin. It wasn't the ads for GMAT tutorials, religious group meetings, event calendars or the gay prom promotion that got me thinking about my university either. I'm not even sure how it did. During my time at school, I never once looked at posters that were put up all over my campus. Not that I remembered anyway. Perhaps on a subconscious level I'd found a place for them in synapses of my brain, but never made the connection to the concious mind to actually do something and act on their attendance requests. I instantly felt a pang of regret. There were prob...

You know those days that just seem wonderful? I’m coughing up a lung of tired white blood cells exhausted from fighting off a bug for the past 9 days, but I can’t help it but laugh inside. My eyes are hot behind the lids and my nose feels like it’s poking this screen as I type from all the pressure built up directly in the middle of my face. Regardless of body aches, desert-like voice box and pounding brain tissue, I feel wonderful. And I'm at work! Some days I just get inspired. I'm so excited about what this day will bring. Ha! And to think I didn't even want to leave my pyjamas this morning. That’s the beauty of it all. One moment I'm sitting at my kitchen table clutching my stomach staring at the chicken noodle soup my mom made holding an ice pack to the forehead that’s on fire; it feels like I'm on the surface of the sun and I forgot to pack my sunglasses. My head is screaming at me “WE’RE NOT GOING ANYWHEREEEEE...hahahaaa”, then abruptly stops laughing to look...

" What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. " - Ralph Waldo Emmerson A fitting few words of encouragement for baby blogger me.