experiences that expose you...to yourself
Yesterday I was out with my mom for a few celebratory drinks and munchies at a downtown joint I'd never been to before. It was her well-earned final day as a teacher candidate marking the completion of Teachers College (you rock, Mom!) and she wanted (needed?) to let loose and consume beverages of the alcoholic variety. Beer and Nachos seemed like long-lost friends that desperately needed a reunion with us. It's interesting how fun, carefree nights can turn into ones of deep internal philosophical debates and contemplation of myself as a basic being of life. Lessons are everywhere and I chose to take the ones that I recognize. A wise friend of mine once said "Life lessons keep coming at you until you learn something from them". This is a lesson I hope to not see again.
Here's the lesson I learned from last night. To keep you interested, the realization I had at the end of this whole ordeal was essentially this..."I am a bad person" and shame was felt.
Here's the breakdown. We're having a great time. We get there early, split a pitcher of the good stuff, order some nachos, and watch the Raptors lose at what they're monstrously over-paid to do. Other members of her class show up and we're chatting away. I'm meeting new people and Mom genuinely smiles since what seems like the beginning of her undergrad degree in 2008. She's driving, it's getting late and I've got work tomorrow. Let's call it quits before the children get rowdy and chant "chug!" and "Let's DANCE!" and keep us longer than we'd like. With that mission in mind, mom dances past the live band and we peace out of the place. We find our little car and pull away with home and warm beds in mind.
Nothing sounds too bad yet...but as we're crossing the mid-point from watering hole to home, mom screeches and grabs my arm and says "I forgot to pay my bill!!!!!" Moving past the point that I likely almost suffered sudden cardiac arrest, my first and purest reaction to this was "....oh well!" with a smile. My pure-hearted and angelic-minded mother automatically says "No way! Remind me when we get home to call them and give them my credit card information. I can't believe I forgot!" This is where the shameful part comes in. I tried to convince my mother not to pay based on a series of reasons including the waitress not paying attention, not having taken her credit card first and "it's okay, it's a treat to us from the universe!". I actually wanted to skip out on a 40 dollar bill because I didn't want to pay for it. The saddest part is, I wasn't going to be paying anyway, my mom was going to pay for it.
Thinking about this further...I realized lots of things. One, that I was honestly and legitimately condoning not paying. Not paying for goods and services = stealing = a crime. Two, that I couldn't believe myself for behaving that way. Three, that I am, and I firmly believe that SO many others are, way way Way WAY too attached to the green stuff. My obsession with saving money and not spending my "hard earned cash" on a handful of 300% price inflated tortilla chips and liquid wheat with some funny juice turned me into a cheating, dollar hoarding liar criminal lady. These are qualities that I have worked hard to avoid being, but couldn't protect myself as I snapped into a different persona without thinking. Money corrupts and I am no exception to it's mind control powers.
Lessons from Universe to Liv: Pay for your stuff. Money is an unreal thing that we have invented and our minds have given life to. Detach yourself from prices and dollar signs. liv your life because experiences are meant to be had and memories are meant to be made. Be honest, be truthful, be humble and pure. Choose to do what is right, because we always know what is. Take responsibility and set a good example, even if only for yourself.
Because what would life be if everyone skipped out on just doing what was right?
I'm leaving this little bit of myself behind and dedicating a new piece to becoming more like my pure and honest mother.
Here's the lesson I learned from last night. To keep you interested, the realization I had at the end of this whole ordeal was essentially this..."I am a bad person" and shame was felt.
Here's the breakdown. We're having a great time. We get there early, split a pitcher of the good stuff, order some nachos, and watch the Raptors lose at what they're monstrously over-paid to do. Other members of her class show up and we're chatting away. I'm meeting new people and Mom genuinely smiles since what seems like the beginning of her undergrad degree in 2008. She's driving, it's getting late and I've got work tomorrow. Let's call it quits before the children get rowdy and chant "chug!" and "Let's DANCE!" and keep us longer than we'd like. With that mission in mind, mom dances past the live band and we peace out of the place. We find our little car and pull away with home and warm beds in mind.
Nothing sounds too bad yet...but as we're crossing the mid-point from watering hole to home, mom screeches and grabs my arm and says "I forgot to pay my bill!!!!!" Moving past the point that I likely almost suffered sudden cardiac arrest, my first and purest reaction to this was "....oh well!" with a smile. My pure-hearted and angelic-minded mother automatically says "No way! Remind me when we get home to call them and give them my credit card information. I can't believe I forgot!" This is where the shameful part comes in. I tried to convince my mother not to pay based on a series of reasons including the waitress not paying attention, not having taken her credit card first and "it's okay, it's a treat to us from the universe!". I actually wanted to skip out on a 40 dollar bill because I didn't want to pay for it. The saddest part is, I wasn't going to be paying anyway, my mom was going to pay for it.
Thinking about this further...I realized lots of things. One, that I was honestly and legitimately condoning not paying. Not paying for goods and services = stealing = a crime. Two, that I couldn't believe myself for behaving that way. Three, that I am, and I firmly believe that SO many others are, way way Way WAY too attached to the green stuff. My obsession with saving money and not spending my "hard earned cash" on a handful of 300% price inflated tortilla chips and liquid wheat with some funny juice turned me into a cheating, dollar hoarding liar criminal lady. These are qualities that I have worked hard to avoid being, but couldn't protect myself as I snapped into a different persona without thinking. Money corrupts and I am no exception to it's mind control powers.
Lessons from Universe to Liv: Pay for your stuff. Money is an unreal thing that we have invented and our minds have given life to. Detach yourself from prices and dollar signs. liv your life because experiences are meant to be had and memories are meant to be made. Be honest, be truthful, be humble and pure. Choose to do what is right, because we always know what is. Take responsibility and set a good example, even if only for yourself.
Because what would life be if everyone skipped out on just doing what was right?
I'm leaving this little bit of myself behind and dedicating a new piece to becoming more like my pure and honest mother.
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