I am me

During my fourth year of university, I was mentally and physically crippled by anxiety and panic. Everything was a daunting task, struggling to wake up, eat, sleep, plan, study, exercise or socialize. It felt like I was slowly and inevitably being crushed under a large rock, my breath constricted with every inhale, too weak to push against it's unbearable weight. Being awake was like feeling my way through a dark room, fumbling clutching at air and straining to see. It was time that I looked for a strong arm to clutch to for the strength I was lacking to pull me back to consciousness and light. My iron filled boots tried to keep me rooted at the base of the long stairway the lead to student counselling services, but I persisted to drag heavy heart higher and higher. I felt crushed checking in, surrendering that I wasn't able to fix the pieces of myself. I was broken and exposed for everyone to see. My boots became light as feathers with wings ready to carry me away as fast as I could run. Fighting the pull back towards my escape route, I collapsed into a waiting room chair and sunk deep into its uncomfortable edges, breathing and blinking, lost at my lowest. 

It was then that my eyes fell upon this, framed and mounted high on the wall opposite my seat.

"

My declaration of self-esteem

I AM ME

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me

Everything that comes out of me is authentically me

Because I alone chose it – I own everything about me

My body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions,

Whether they be to others or to myself – I own my fantasies,

My dreams, my hopes, my fears – I own all my triumphs and

Successes, all my failures and mistakes Because I own all of

Me, I can become intimately acquainted with me – by so doing

I can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts – I know

There are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other

Aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am

Friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously

And hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles

And for ways to find out more about me – However I

Look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever

I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically

Me – If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought

And felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is

Unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that

Which I discarded – I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be

Productive to make sense and order out of the world of

People and things outside of me – I own me, and

therefore I can engineer me – I am me and

I AM OKAY

"

- Virginia Satir

I let the words sink in, the tightness behind my voice box growing. With new found determination, I rose from my chair and left without looking back.
I had found everything I needed.

From there, I'd mapped out my road to living anxiety free. If there is one person in this world I'd like to thank with my whole heart, it's Virginia Satir. She's changed my life and helped me more than anyone can know. 

I am okay, thanks to you.