Do you know what its like?

Do you know what its like, to wake up shaking?
To feel your head and heart pounding before your feet hit the floor?
To be scared before you know what makes you afraid?
To jump, to scream inside to want to run away at every moment not knowing where you can go to escape?

Do you know what its like to get dressed when it means you'll need to go outside if you do?

Do you know what its like to be terrified of what used to be fun? Clutch yourself and jump off the deep end and it feels like you're falling forever but all you're doing is getting on the train downtown.

Do you know what its like to feel separate from your body? You feel yourself moving, acting, shaking. But that's not you. Is that you? I don't recognize this girl, why is she so upset?

Do you know what its like to lose yourself entirely? To not laugh anymore, to not find joy in sharing a conversation with a stranger sitting next to you because all you can think about every waking moment is not dying inside and keeping your chin up and breathing, just breathing, keep your eyes open don't faint, don't faint, don't faint. Its too hot in here, I need water, have I eaten enough, did I sleep enough, is there something seriously wrong with me, do I need to go to the hospital? Wheres the closest emergency button just in case? If I fall over will someone catch me? Will I scrape my knee or hit my head when I lose control and fall limp to the ground? Okay wait, you're just sitting on the train. You're OK. These trees are moving by me so quickly.

Have you ever had to act for every minute of your life? Hiding these qualities is easy when you don't spend any more time with friends. Your bed and TV don't judge you or ask whats wrong and you don't have to explain it to them.

Do you know what its like being trapped inside your own head?

Because I do.