Note to self from Ireland

I'd like to write to you from your lunch table in Ireland. You're sitting here in the corner of the stuffy small room with the other 5 members of your family. You're listening to them but your head swims. Your nose stings on the right side, its dry, its stuffed, its stinging you. Your cheeks feel tight, are you smiling? No. You're sitting in the corner praying for your food to come faster. You're tired of the waiting and the trying and the creativity and the let downs. You're warm, you're hungry, your belly feels like its inside out. Your hiding in the corner of this room and you're scared. You're holding on to a thread, you're waiting and spinning and falling. You're writing this letter to keep yourselves occupied, keep yourself concentrated on words, on keeping yourself grounded, on keeping it down, keeping it settled, keeping it under you locked in its cage for the rest of your life. Keep running away, keep running away, keep running breathing panting working trying until your muscles hurt and burn and you want to cry. Because when you fight you become stronger, when you battle it gets easier. The more you fight the weaker your enemy becomes, the faster you can finish him. Fight. Keep fighting. Listen but don't hear. Listen but don't internalize. Listen but don't be changed. Don't be altered, don't let it get inside of you and twist your body soul and will and change you, do whatever it wants to you. Remember that you are not the victim, you are not someone else's tool to be used. You are the light that vanishes the dark demon that's trying to claw its way up your back.

I'm hungry.